We experience loneliness when we assume that our partner will not receive us, or when we our communication has diminished the connection. 

If you're feeling lonely in your relationship, don't despair as there are many things you can do. 

1) Figure out what you need :  Is it because you don't have time together, do you crave physical touch, do you wish they would share some experiences with you? Identify what it is you are seeking so you can determine how to approach, rather than leaving your partner to continually guess. 

2) Show your affection: Can you demonstrate your affection in a non-verbal way of your choosing that aligns with how your partner is receptive?  This can include physical affection, a letter of affection or creating a space for connection

3)Heal your connection struggle: What is loneliness shielding you from in the relationship? It can be hard to take steps towards vulnerability and risk, yet it can be the most fruitful thing you do in your growth towards creating a connective and fulfilling relationship.  Rather than turning away, can you recognize if it's shame or fear of abandonment that has you shying away rather than allowing the opportunity of connection. When we feel defensive, it's often difficult to remind ourselves that our partner is not the enemy, and they don't start out with the intention to hurt us.  Try to make the assumption that your partner wants to figure this out too rather than assuming you know what they are going to say, ask instead. 

4) Identify your pattern: We can't change things unless you know what you can change.  We often create patterns of negativity and loneliness based on shame, fear of loss or abandonment and self defeating thoughts. Bring the unconscious to the surface and make decision together of how you want things to change, come up with ideas, set aside time and be gentle with one another. 

Relationships Redefined specializes in helping couples and individuals find fulfillment, connection, trust, and healthy communication in their relationships and offers online counseling focused in couples therapy & marriage counseling, individual therapy, premarital counseling, and intimacy and sex therapy in San Diego and all of California. Book a free 15-minute online consultation with us here! Make Intimacy Your Reality!