Myth 1: If we go to a couples and sex therapist, they will tell us we are doing things wrong

Every couple, pod, or individual has their own way of experiencing pleasure. What is seemingly pleasurable for one person, may not register in the same reward center of our brain for another. Talking to a professional who is educated and well acquainted with discussions about intimacy and sex can help to dispel some of the anxiety and discomfort. We all have different experiences, different fantasies, different sexual knowledge, different levels of comfort in our bodies, different erotic templates, different responses to kink and different bodies. Learning how to add scope to your knowledge and definitions of sex can help you and your partner(s) learn how to express your needs and desires with more confidence. 

Imagine if you received an instruction from your play partner with what tantalizes and excites them! You would know what brings them pleasure, and they would know what encourages you to open up as well. Who wouldn’t be on board with that?

Myth 2: I have to be experiencing sexual dysfunction in order to see a couples and sex therapist

Most people who seek sex therapy are simply looking to improve or have better sex. Sex is like an exercise; the more you practice and explore, the better you can get at it, but there is always more to know about it. Sex therapy can be a useful tool to discover parts of yourself and your partner and can be great for those who consider themselves connoisseurs or novices and, of course, anyone in between. We each have our own issues that we struggle with, and seeking help shows that you are there to learn and do something for yourself and your partner, and there is no reason to feel shame or guilt in doing so.  

If you are experiencing pain during sex, first be sure to check with your doctor to rule out physiological origins previous to your work with a sex therapist.  If the issue is not a biological one, then sex therapy can help in the development of tools to help you.   

Myth 3: I can’t see a couples and sex therapist as an individual

If you are interested in learning about yourself sexually, you can absolutely work individually with a sex therapist.  A couples and sex therapist will help you to learn and understand your body, and how to connect with yourself to experience pleasure, arousal, desire, and orgasm. If you are struggling with low desire, a sex therapist can help you to explore the origins and identify what influences may be affecting you. Sex therapists help individuals to connect sexually with others and can help you to explore what healthy sexuality looks like to you. Good sex is consensual and pleasurable and learning how to identify, define and connect with your pleasure is a beautiful thing. 

Myth 4:  A couples and sex therapist will ask really embarrassing questions in front of my partner

Questions asked in sex therapy are meant to gain a deeper understanding of the situation and to help everyone involved have better insight. There is no shame or guilt in learning how to uncover or explore pleasure or sexual intimacy. However, suppose you struggle with shame or guilt around sex or fantasy.

In that case, a sex therapist may be the perfect person to help you understand why, and help you start developing a healthier relationship with sex if that is what you desire. 

Myth 5: Our relationship has no chance if we do couples and sex therapy

This myth comes from the fact that most couples wait until the last hour to come to therapy. Research has found that couples usually struggle for 6 years before seeking help! By that time, things in the relationship may be incredibly tense, or you may even have stopped having sex and don’t know how to start the uncomfortable discussion.  Making the decision to come and get help indicates that you are deciding to take a chance to do something different, which is a huge first step!  If that is the case, I congratulate and applaud you, as it’s a sign of strength to acknowledge something is wrong and take steps to change it. Most of the couples in my practice really care deeply about each other and may be generally happy but are looking to deepen their relationship and increase their intimacy and desire. Of course, to achieve this, a lot of communication and vulnerability takes place to allow ourselves and our partners to dive a bit deeper.  

Sex can be tricky and sometimes may be complicated depending on your circumstances, and it can undoubtedly trigger us, even when we least expect it. Sometimes, exploring or talking through things together with a sex therapist for a couple of sessions can alleviate or release the notion that your relationship will fail or implode. In fact, it can also help you learn to have more frequent, more pleasurable, and more deeply connected sex with your partner. 

Myth 6: A couples and sex therapist will want us to have sex in front of them or do weird and uncomfortable exercises

Sex Therapy never involves intimate acts in the presence of your therapist. Sex Therapists often suggest exercises to help our clients engage with one another outside of therapy sessions. This means that you might have some exciting and fun homework to try at home. Still, if anything feels embarrassing or uncomfortable, it’s important to let us know so that we can find exercises that are more comfortable for you to do.  The exercises are meant to help you explore safely and with curiosity, with or without a partner, in the privacy of your own home and are intended to be supplemental to our therapeutic work together in our sessions. 

Now that we’ve looked at the Top 6 Sex Therapy Myths, I hope you have a better understanding of what Sex Therapy is and how it may be helpful for you.  Of course, the comfort level and relationship that you build with your therapist are paramount in the work. You may be exploring and uncovering some deep, intimate parts of yourself that may have been dormant, or questions may be asked that you would never have postulated for yourself. You want to make sure that both you and your partner feel comfortable with the person who is helping you have those conversations and can do it in a safe and insightful way.  Discussing your intimacy and desire within your relationship can hopefully only lead to having more intimacy and passion within your relationship.  

If you would like to learn how to have better sex and a deeper, more connected relationship, we offer free 15-minute consultations for Sex Therapy and Couples Counseling Online in California.  Relationships Redefined specializes in helping couples and individuals find fulfillment, connection, trust, and healthy communication in their relationships and offers online counseling focused in couples therapy & marriage counseling, individual therapy, premarital counseling, and intimacy and sex therapy in San Diego and all of California. Book a free 15-minute online consultation with us here! Make Intimacy Your Reality!