Intimacy….Let’s Talk
There is a topic that I think warrants a deeper look…intimacy
Sometimes we don’t know where to start when addressing this, and sometimes how we feel about intimacy differs as to whether you are partnered or single.
Ask yourself, are you able to have intimacy by yourself, or do you always see intimacy as something between two people?
Often, I think intimacy is often equated with being defined as sex, but it is more diverse and expansive than that if we take a deeper look.
As yourself and possibly your partner, if you’d like to open up some dialogue and deepen your understanding of one another.
Has the definition of intimacy shifted over time for you? What makes it better or worse?
Does your definition of intimacy limit itself to only emotional or only physical aspects, or do you allow for a little bit of both?
You see…when we look at intimacy, there is an allowance of vulnerability that we often don’t allow ourselves to experience unless we are in the right setting, with the right person, etc., etc.
This may be because intimacy often indicates the risk of letting someone in to experience the deepest part of us. Intimacy doesn’t always have to be limited to sexual engagement. Try sitting face to face with your partner and look them in the eye within relatively close proximity for 2-3 minutes and see how it feels. This can be a very intimate exercise that I often give to my clients in my office. Intimacy is a closeness factor when we allow someone to see and be able to experience all parts of us…yes, this includes both the good and the vulnerable parts that you often try to hide from others. You might be scared that your partners would not care for you if they knew what the darker sides of you were, so you may often block off the opportunity for that to happen. Inevitably you miss a beautiful opportunity to be known, seen, and accepted by your partner. Now, I’m not saying that you just have the allow the opportunity, and it will happen. You have to let your partner know and help them to make it safe for both of you to approach each other and open up.
Holding open a space for others to see our faults often leaves you feeling like you are putting yourself at risk…and allowing your partner in during those times can lead to a deeper connection than you ever had before in your relationship.
Potential questions to ask your partner to open up a conversation:
What is your definition of intimacy?
When asking this, just listen and observe what your partner shares with you through observation and waiting for them to finish. Then you can share your definition and talk about what you heard them say that interests you and would like to know more about.
When have you felt the most intimate with me emotionally? Physically?
When you feel uncomfortable/vulnerable do you get scared, do you show up large to protect yourself, or do you often flee from situations?
What can I do to help you feel more comfortable being vulnerable with me?
What does emotional intimacy look like for us?
Remember, intimacy can include a lot of things. Still, mostly it’s about being open and curious with your partner about one another through conversation and starting the journey of discovery together.
Relationships Redefined is an Online Psychotherapy Practice in California specializing in helping relationships flourish. We help Individuals, Couples, Premarital Couples, and all types of partnerships learn how to understand one another through communication. We also offer intimacy and sex therapy for those who want to deepen their intimate relationships. If you would like more information, please find us at www.relationshipsredefined.com