Couples Therapy, Sex & Intimacy Therapy, and Relationship Therapy in San Diego & California

Relationships shape every aspect of our lives. At Relationships Redefined, therapy focuses specifically on helping individuals and couples understand relationship patterns, improve communication, and deepen emotional and physical intimacy. Our work integrates evidence-based approaches to support healthier, more connected partnerships.

Providing relationship therapy to individuals and couples throughout San Diego, including Carlsbad, Encinitas, Del Mar, La Jolla, and across California through secure online therapy sessions.

As a couples counselor and sex therapist, I help individuals and couples figure out what their needs and desires are in their relationships. Whether you come in alone or with your partner, learn how to stop struggling and connect.

You strive for connection with others and would love to be understood by those around you. What freedom and fulfillment you would have if you were able to express your deepest hopes and dreams openly with others. Helping both individuals and couples find a new means of communication, trust and understanding is why I continue to love what I do day in and day out.  

Who knew when you started googling find a therapist near me that you would’ve found so many therapists online in California and locally in San Diego. And yet, sometimes it can feel like they are all saying the same thing. How do you find someone who truly meets your needs and understands what YOU are all about?

what drew me to becoming a couples therapist and sex therapist is my love for helping people who have been through hard situations and want to make their life better. I love seeing people not just heal, but the impact that they make when they are happier and healthier on their families, friends, and communities.

I’m Dr. Nikki Nolet, and I specialize in relationships, intimacy, communication, and connection using couples therapy and sex therapy with an emphasis on intimacy.

Nowadays, there are so many tools and tricks but how do you navigate them, and how does it bring you more connection in your relationship: card decks, retreats, and books that give relationship advice, so it can feel really scary for you to find a solution. I’ve been told by my clients that having someone to help facilitate difficult conversations is priceless. Time and time again, couples I work with state how valuable the sessions together are over the numerous tools or even previous therapists they have been to. This therapy is not only about discussing the weekly irritation but goes deeper to uncover the patterns and lead you to heal the wounds you may have inflicted on one another unconsciously. I know it can feel like a big step to call a counselor, but I’ll make it easy. We’ll spend 15-minutes on the phone and I’ll let you know how or if I can help. If I am not the right person, I’ll do my best to get you to the right person.

How I can help as a couples counselor and sex therapist in all areas of California and San Diego?

As a couples therapist, I am here to hold the mirror to your inner truth and authentic selves - so that you can fully know, understand & embrace who you really are.

You’re in the right place if you are exhausted, frazzled and tired of feeling disappointment or being a disappointment to others. Learn how to get what you really want…

Find Freedom and fulfillment in your deepest desires & passions


My Approach:

I practice from a post-modern perspective, which to me means that I am intent on providing a safe space, free of criticism and judgment. It is important to me to develop a authentic and meaningful relationship with my clients, and view my roll not as an expert observer, but as a guide and confidant to provide insight for your relationship to move towards a space where connection, communication and hope reside.  I am an integrative therapist, which means I utilize my knowledge from various trainings, certifications and knowledge to benefit each and every one of my clients based on what they are needing at the time.

I rely on my clients to share their stories and experiences with me, and together we can forge a path to understanding and being able to express your deepest hopes and dreams. Together we can understand your experiences, and to look for alternative pathways in moments you might feel stuck, uncomfortable or even dysregulated.  I love seeing people discover their true selves, rediscover connection and reignite passion within themselves and their partners. 

My focus with clients is the relationship, allowing me to remain non-biased and invite curiosity into the space and to avoid invitation of blame and criticism into our sessions.

Education & Training:

  • Ph.D in Clinical Sexology

  • Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University

  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Certifications:

  • Certified Sex Therapist with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT)

  • Advanced Certified Imago Relationship Therapist

  • Sex Therapy Training at The Center for Healthy Sex

  • Certified Interanalytic Couples Therapist

  • Certified (ART) Accelerated Resolution Therapist for Trauma

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT Couples Therapy)

  • Encountered Centered Couples Therapist

  • Certified Interanalytic Couples Therapist

  • Certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator

  • Facilitator of the Gottman Relationship Checkup

  • Attachment Theory Orientation

  • Advanced Narrative Therapy with Stephen Madigan, David Nylund and Lorraine Hedtke

Memberships:

  • Member of both the Los Angeles & San Diego Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy (LA-CEFT)

  • Member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT)

  • Member of the American Association of Couples and Sex Therapists (AACAST)

  • Member of the Society of Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)

  • Member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT)

  • **If you are curious to know more about each of these modalities, check out my FAQ’s Below!

    When I’m not taking advanced couples and sex therapy courses, I enjoy hiking, singing, discovering unknown or small foodie restaurants, navigating around Southern California or planning my next international adventure. I also enjoy relaxing and enjoying the company of my partner, my family and my dogs.

 FAQs About How I Work

 

  • Relationships Redefined is a boutique style private therapy practice, rather than a managed-care driven mental health clinic. We work for you, not the insurance companies.

    If you choose to use insurance for therapy reimbursement, your clinician can work with you as an out of network provider. Usually PPO or POS plans are in this category.

    Many of our clients who use their OON (out of network) benefits get reimbursed 65-80% of the counseling fee. Others use their Health or Flex Account, which may cover all of it and allows tax advantages.

    You’ll need to check your plan first to determine your benefits for licensed counselors as OON providers, if there’s a deductible and if its been met, and what percentage they cover for individual or couples counseling or sex therapy.

    We can provide you with a receipt, called a Superbill, with the necessary info to obtain counseling fee reimbursement based on your plan.

    Psychologists & psychotherapists who choose to directly contract with insurance companies have to make concessions, as do their clients. Rather than focus on a diagnosis, we believe in treating you as a whole person whose issues are rooted in the context of your life, rather than in disorder or illness. It’s important to us to preserve the integrity of the therapeutic process and avoid issues with a managed care company at times requiring personal therapy data and details about your treatment.

    We strive to offer a premium couples counseling and sex therapy experience without involvement from insurance companies or the various entities they now employ or outsource to for managing their electronic data. However, we also understand that without insurance reimbursement, the therapeutic support you need may not be financially accessible. Therefore, we are happy to provide you with a superbill (please note it will be required by the insurance company to contain a clinical mental health diagnosis

    INSURANCE REIMBURSEMENT

    Please note that while we do not work with insurance panels, we are happy to provide therapy invoices to the client to submit to their insurance for out-of-network reimbursement after full payments. Services may be covered by your health insurance or employee benefit plan if they offer out of network services. Please keep in mind that all insurance companies require a diagnosis to approve your claim. If you do have out of network coverage, we are happy to give you an invoice (called a superbill) to submit to your provider.

    SUPERBILLS

    Payment for therapy is made at the time of your visit. Your clinician will provide you with an invoice of services on a monthly basis. You must submit this invoice to your insurance company to receive reimbursement. We are considered an "out of network" provider. If you are considering using health insurance to cover the costs of therapy, it is important to know that insurance companies and plans vary according to their coverage of mental health benefits. It is important, therefore, to research your coverage prior to commencing therapy. You would pay us and then get reimbursed if that is the arrangement you have with your insurance provider. We cannot guarantee reimbursement but are happy to walk you through a list of questions to ask your insurance provider.

    INSURANCE QUESTIONS CHECK LIST

    Please check your coverage carefully by asking the following questions:

    Do I have “Out-of-Network” insurance benefits for “Outpatient Mental Health Services”?

    Is individual couples, sex or family therapy covered? The CPT codes that insurance uses to identify these sessions is 90837 for Individuals and 90846 or 90847 for couples sessions.

    What is my deductible and has it been met?

    How many sessions per year does my health insurance cover?

    What is the coverage amount per therapy session (percentage and monetary amount)?

    Is approval required from my primary care physician?

    We have written an article about using your Out-of-Network benefits for counseling. Feel free to use this guide when calling about your plan.

    https://relationshipsredefined.com/blog/insurance-options

  • Payments are due previous to the beginning of session, and within the 48 hour cancellation time period. Zelle, Venmo and credit cards ( a 2.9% fee will be applied) are all accepted as forms of payment. Rates for service will be discussed during your free phone consultation and are to be agreed upon before your first session.

  • I work very intensely with my clients, and purposely maintain a low client caseload to provide the personalized sessions that is most beneficial for my clients. I offer weekly sessions in order to get the most progress out of our work together. In my experience, therapy has been found to be most productive when it is incorporated into a client’s lifestyle for approximately 12-16 sessions. Therapy should always have a goal, so it’s important to implement this into your life. If you wait too long in between sessions, it’s often harder to see progress.

    We will establish a set to time to meet each week and that will be our reoccurring weekly appointment.

  • Yes, we use a secure HIPAA compliant platform to offer video counseling. Zoom for Health Professionals.

    Zoom is HIPAA-compliant for healthcare professionals only when using the paid Zoom for Healthcare plan, which includes a signed Business Associate Agreement (BAA) and specific security configurations. Standard free or pro Zoom accounts are not HIPAA-compliant.

  • Imago therapy is based on the relationship work of psychotherapist Harville Hendrix, based on the theory that feelings you experienced in your childhood relationships are bound to come up in your adult relationships. Imago Relationship Therapy has been considered as one of the most effective forms of couple’s counseling for over 25 years. By understanding how negative experiences and feelings from childhood carry over into adult relationships, you can better understand your reactions to your partner, and vice versa, and develop the skills and empathy necessary to transform your individual self and your relationship. The goal of Imago Therapy is to help couples stop blaming, criticizing, and negatively reacting to their partners and, instead, become more understanding and empathetic.

    Imago relationship therapy can help those in committed relationships work out their misunderstandings, minimize conflict, and reimagine ways to bond, effectively communicate, and find common ground. Imago relationship therapy uses the process of engaging into a structured dialogue to be truly appreciated, heard and understood by your partner. It also allows you to engage in a conscious relationship that encourages each partner to be their own individual self, but to fully enjoy connecting, feeling fulfilled and in love with their partner. Two individuals consciously choosing one another and co-creating their relationship in a present, mindful and deeply connected shared relationship.

  • EFT was originally founded by Sue Johnson, is an evidence based practice and is designed to address distress in the intimate relationships of adults. As an EFT therapist, I observe the dynamics between clients in the therapy setting, which often ties into the dynamics in their home lives, and help direct new conversations and interactions based on more honest feelings. To accomplish this, I will encourage you to look at your current emotional issues and then help you discover feelings and emotions that you may not realize you have. You may discover deeper past feelings and vulnerabilities that are blocked by the more immediate emotions you display in your current relationship. You will learn to express these emotions in a way that will help you connect, rather than disconnect with your partner or family member. You will learn new ways to listen and stay attuned to another’s emotions and discover more productive ways to respond to emotional situations. EFT focuses on the present time to make changes in the here and now. Clients come to see that the problems lie in insecurities and distance.m description

  • EcCT is a type of relationship healing that helps partners connect with each other more fully and authentically and empowers couples to discover new, more authentic ways to engage with each other in order for their relationship to thrive instead of simply survive.

    Hedy Schleifer’s approach is rooted in Imago Relationship Therapy and in the philosophy of Martin Buber. She identified the ‘three invisible connectors’ that exist within relationships. These connectors—the Space, the Bridge, and the Encounter—serve to draw partners close to each other and allow them to fully connect.

    Couples develop a ‘survival dance’ or pattern of interacting where one partner attacks or retreats and then the other attacks or retreats and round and round they go until their shared space is no longer safe. EcCT offers tools to help the couple recognize and identify their particular ‘survival dance’, STOP it and heal it through the ‘three invisible connectors’.

    The Space is the atmosphere and environment shared by the couple. Both partners are fully responsible to keep their Space empty of criticism, judgement and detachment and full of acceptance, benefit of the doubt, smiles and forgiveness.

    By crossing the Bridge to one another, each partner enters the world of the other with curiosity, warmth and empathy and the desire to learn something new about the other – without judgment. The couple then creates an Encounter – of souls, of essence, of good will, of presence and open hearts. It is crucial for each partner to bring their full and authentic presence into the world of the other, as this is what allows them to truly meet each other and have an “encounter” that can then provide the basis for a new or restored relationship that is nurturing and fulfilling.

    Through EcCT, couples agree to be courageous, vulnerable and open to exposing new parts of themselves. Partners learn to listen with openness and empathy, with new eyes, compassion and curiosity. Along the way, they may explore each other’s past and uncover wounds that need healing. The goal is for the partners to become thoroughly connected with each other and to better understand the experiences of the other in the journey they have made together. Through ECCT, a couple develops new ‘muscles’ of relating and deeply connecting in a way that breaks the automatic survival cycle and replaces it with support and security, with love and closeness.ription

  • Online therapy accounts for your convenience, often eliminating the negative factors associated with therapy like dealing with parking, traffic, transportation difficulties, seeing someone you know in the waiting room, time availability, scheduling difficulty, etc.

    Online therapy allows the client to have access to their therapist when it is convenient for them. With the use of online therapy, it’s even possible to have your partner or spouse do couples therapy with you when they are geographically in a different location than you.

    The American Psychiatric Association(APA) published a physician reviewed article in 2017 that notes the following:

    There is substantial evidence of the effectiveness of telepsychiatry and research has found satisfaction to be high among patients, psychiatrists and other professionals. Telepsychiatry is equivalent to in-person care in diagnostic accuracy, treatment effectiveness, quality of care and patient satisfaction. Patient privacy and confidentiality are equivalent to in-person care.”

    According to a 2016 article in the World Journal of Psychiatry:

    “...telepsychiatry is comparable to face-to-face services in terms of reliability of clinical assessments and treatment outcomes . . .  telepsychiatry performed as well as, if not better than face-to-face delivery of mental health services.”

    Advantages of Teletherapy

    *Note when seeing the word Telepsychiatry, it is defined by the following --a subset of telemedicine, can involve providing a range of services including psychiatric evaluations, therapy (individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy), patient education and medication management. (APA, 2017)

    Other helpful information about telehealth care:

    Advantages of Teletherapy

    How to Make the Most out of Teletherapy Right Now:

    The new world of virtual psychotherapy is brighter than you think. 


  • We offer the following in person In San Diego and Online Across California:

    Couples Therapy

    Marriage Counseling

    Pre-marriage Counseling

    Sex Therapy

    Couples Workshops

  • This will vary depending on your goals and differs by client. There are a lot of factors that contribute to the length of counseling, so it is difficult to predict until we begin working together.

    This depends on your goals, consistency, and willingness to engage in the process.

    Some clients notice small shifts within the first few sessions—especially in how they communicate. Deeper, more lasting change typically builds over time with continued work and practice outside of sessions.

    Therapy is not a quick fix—but it is a meaningful, lasting investment in your relationship and personal growth.

    Typically, clients commit to counseling for 6-8 months and progress is measured monthly. We want to make sure you have support to move forward, to learn the tools to implement change for yourself and possibly in your relationship if you are coming in with a partner.

    In order to sustain long-term change without regressing into old patterns, it will take patience and commitment.

    We set our clients up for long term success as many will have a proclivity to default to old patterns. We all get busy with life, and in doing so we sometimes forget how to use and practice the tools and learnings we work to achieve.

  • Sometimes, especially in the beginning to help you to learn new skills and new insights, but we see them more as exercises rather than homework, as they are not mandated to be completed. We will suggest things for you do to at home that will support the work we do in our therapy sessions. We have found that clients make significantly faster progress when they do the exercises. The exercises are suggested to support the integration of the deep work we do in session, rather than purely to give you busy work.

  • When people begin therapy at Relationships Redefined, they’re often hoping for things to feel different—but not always sure what that actually looks like. That’s completely okay. Part of our work together is helping you clarify what you want, and then actively moving toward it.

    What you can expect is a shift in how you experience yourself and your relationships.

    Many clients begin to notice that they understand their patterns more clearly—why they react the way they do, why certain dynamics keep showing up, and how past experiences may still be shaping present relationships. With that awareness comes choice. Instead of feeling stuck or reactive, you start to respond more intentionally.

    You can also expect your communication to change. We focus heavily on helping you express what you feel, need, and desire in a way that can actually be heard and received. Whether you come in as an individual or as a couple, this often leads to less conflict, fewer misunderstandings, and more meaningful conversations.

    For couples, there is often a rebuilding of emotional and physical intimacy. That can look like feeling more connected, more understood, and more aligned as partners. It can also mean learning how to navigate differences—especially around desire, life transitions, or unmet needs—without losing each other in the process.

    For individuals, therapy often brings a stronger sense of self. You begin to feel more grounded in who you are, more confident in what you want, and more capable of creating the kind of relationship you’re actually looking for.

    At the same time, it’s important to be honest—therapy isn’t a quick fix. It’s a process that asks for openness, willingness, and consistency. The clients who tend to see the most meaningful results are the ones who are ready to look inward, practice new ways of relating, and stay engaged even when it feels uncomfortable.

    Ultimately, the goal isn’t perfection. It’s connection—feeling more seen, more understood, and more aligned with yourself and the people you care about.

    And from there, everything else begins to shift.

  • Yes—therapy is designed to help you understand and change the patterns that are keeping you stuck.

    Many clients begin to notice:

    • Less conflict and fewer repetitive arguments

    • More productive, meaningful conversations

    • A deeper sense of emotional connection

    • Greater understanding of each other’s needs and experiences

    For couples, this often leads to feeling more like a team again rather than adversaries.

  • Even if you come in for relationship concerns, much of the work starts within.

    Clients often experience:

    • Increased self-awareness and clarity around patterns

    • Greater confidence in expressing needs and desires

    • Less reactivity and more intentional responses

    • A stronger sense of self and emotional grounding

    You begin to understand not just what is happening in your relationships—but why.

  • That’s completely okay—and very common.

    You don’t need to have everything figured out before starting. Part of our work together is helping you gain clarity around what you’re feeling, what you want, and how to move toward it.

  • At Relationships Redefined, therapy is focused specifically on relationships, intimacy, and communication.

    Our work is:

    • Collaborative and non-judgmental

    • Grounded in evidence-based approaches, but also acknowledging and working with the real issues at hand, not just an exercise.

    • Focused on real, practical change—not just insight

    • Designed to help you feel both emotionally and physically connected

    We don’t just talk about problems—we actively work toward solutions that help you feel more aligned, understood, and connected.


  • We have a firm 48-hour cancellation policy, so if you need to cancel for any reason, make sure you give us 48 hours notice to avoid paying the late cancellation fee, which is the full session rate. We offer phone and video sessions in case something happens last minute that prevents you from coming to your appointment.

  • The best way to get started is to set up your free consultation. This will help you to consult with a therapist and you can then book an appointment with them directly and start from there! Click here for access to the booking page!

As a couples counselor and sex therapist, I help individuals and couples figure out what their needs and desires are in their relationships. Whether you come in alone or with your partner, learn how to stop struggling and connect.

You strive for connection with others and would love to be understood by those around you. What freedom and fulfillment you would have if you were able to express your deepest hopes and dreams openly with others. Helping both individuals and couples find a new means of communication, trust and understanding is why I continue to love what I do day in and day out.  

Who knew when you started googling find a therapist near me that you would’ve found so many therapists online in California and locally in San Diego. And yet, sometimes it can feel like they are all saying the same thing. How do you find someone who truly meets your needs and understands what YOU are all about?

what drew me to becoming a couples therapist and sex therapist is my love for helping people who have been through hard situations and want to make their life better. I love seeing people not just heal, but the impact that they make when they are happier and healthier on their families, friends, and communities.

I’m Nikki Nolet, and I specialize in relationships, intimacy, communication, and connection using couples therapy and sex therapy with an emphasis on intimacy.

Nowadays, there are so many tools and tricks but how do you navigate them, and how does it bring you more connection in your relationship: card decks, retreats, and books that give relationship advice, so it can feel really scary for you to find a solution. I’ve been told by my clients that having someone to help facilitate difficult conversations is priceless. Time and time again, couples I work with state how valuable the sessions together are over the numerous tools or even previous therapists they have been to. This therapy is not only about discussing the weekly irritation but goes deeper to uncover the patterns and lead you to heal the wounds you may have inflicted on one another unconsciously. I know it can feel like a big step to call a counselor, but I’ll make it easy. We’ll spend 15-minutes on the phone and I’ll let you know how or if I can help. If I am not the right person, I’ll do my best to get you to the right person.

How I can help as a couples counselor and sex therapist in all areas of California and San Diego?

As a couples therapist, I am here to hold the mirror to your inner truth and authentic selves - so that you can fully know, understand & embrace who you really are.

You’re in the right place if you are exhausted, frazzled and tired of feeling disappointment or being a disappointment to others. Learn how to get what you really want…

Find Freedom and fulfillment in your deepest desires & passions


My Approach:

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working in private practice. I practice from a post-modern perspective, which to me means that I am intent on providing a safe space, free of criticism and judgment. It is important to me to develop a authentic and meaningful relationship with my clients, and view my roll not as an expert observer, but as a guide and confidant to provide insight for your relationship to move towards a space where connection, communication and hope reside.  I am an integrative therapist, which means I utilize my knowledge from various trainings, certifications and knowledge to benefit each and every one of my clients based on what they are needing at the time.

I rely on my clients to share their stories and experiences with me, and together we can forge a path to understanding and being able to express your deepest hopes and dreams. Together we can understand your experiences, and to look for alternative pathways in moments you might feel stuck, uncomfortable or even dysregulated.  I love seeing people discover their true selves, rediscover connection and reignite passion within themselves and their partners. 

My focus with clients is the relationship, allowing me to remain non-biased and invite curiosity into the space and to avoid invitation of blame and criticism into our sessions.

Education & Training:

  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

  • Certified Sex Therapist with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT)

  • Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University 2014

  • Advanced Certified Imago Relationship Therapist

  • Sex Therapy Training at The Center for Healthy Sex

  • Certified Interanalytic Couples Therapist

  • Certified (ART) Accelerated Resolution Therapist for Trauma

  • Working towards Ph.D in Clinical Sexology

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT Couples Therapy)

  • Encountered Centered Couples Therapist

  • Certified Interanalytic Couples Therapist

  • Certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator

  • Facilitator of the Gottman Relationship Checkup

  • Attachment Theory

  • Advanced Narrative Therapy with Stephen Madigan, David Nylund and Lorraine Hedtke

  • Member of both the Los Angeles & San Diego Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy (LA-CEFT)

  • Member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT)

  • Member of the American Association of Couples and Sex Therapists (AACAST)

  • Member of the Society of Sex Therapy and Research

  • Member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT)

  • **If you are curious to know more about each of these modalities, check out my FAQ page.

    When I’m not taking advanced couples and sex therapy courses, I enjoy hiking, singing, discovering unknown or small foodie restaurants, navigating around Southern California or planning my next international adventure. I also enjoy relaxing and enjoying the company of my partner, my family and my dogs.

 
 

If you’d like to know more…watch this video.

 

Click the button below for your free 15-minute phone or Zoom consultation for counseling in San Diego and Online in California.

Get started with counseling, today.